Super Mega Update

let's play ketchup

Hi y’all, sorry I missed you last week, but a bunch of things got in the way of writing this post and that’s as specific as I’ll get with regards to an excuse. It happens, I’m sorry. I’ll try to make sure it doesn’t happen often. There’s also a chance you didn’t notice I was gone last week, in which case, never mind, hi! Today I’ll fill you in on a few different topics, so LET’S GO

I am not outdoorsy

The week before last I spent a few days at the beach, which I always love. And this visit was no exception, but there were some complications that made it more challenging.

Some quick background: The house on the beach was my grandma’s house. It was built by an artist bachelor named Clifford Neil, about 90 years ago. Way back in the day, a friend of his introduced him to Delphine Lougheed and he was smitten. They got married, she moved in, and they had 3 kids. My grandfather “died young” (actually I think he died at the same age I am now, so in a way, does that mean I’m still young? Hopefully I don’t also die this year though). My grandma raised my dad and his brother and sister in that house and lived there until she was in her mid-90s, when she had to go to a nursing home because of dementia (where she died at the tender age of 104).

Now the house is owned by one of my cousins, who is kind and generous and lets me and other family members stay there throughout the year. But the place is old, has the original pipes and wiring, and is heated by only one wall heater that is nowhere near the shower room, whose levered glass jalousie window rusted in the open position years ago. I liken staying there to “glamping.” (Please note I am not complaining! I love it there and am so happy to be there. I’m just trying to give you some context.)

I arrived at the house late Wednesday afternoon, after driving 90 minutes along a route that should have taken 40. I went food shopping, did some work, etc etc and basically didn’t notice there was NO HOT WATER until around lunchtime the next day. As they said in You’ve Got Mail: quelle nightmare!

I am not outdoorsy. I don’t camp and want to do all of my various types of business in a full-sized, functional bathroom. Mosquitoes feast on me before anyone else. I can’t handle heat. You get the idea. I would love to be outdoorsy, but hey, so, I am not.

I made it work until Friday afternoon, when it became clear the water heater couldn’t be fixed and would need to be replaced, and that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. Fortunately the only ones who had to smell me was me and the neighbor dog who knows from experience that I will cave and give her broccoli, and I don’t think she cared so I was an aromatic nuisance to no one. But still. I just need a rinse every day, you know?

The neighbors on one side have lived there forever, and still remember my grandma, so I slunk over and asked if I could use their shower. Hooray for soap and warm water!

Then I made it to Sunday, when I left my beloved grandma’s house and headed back to where I was house-sitting, with all mod cons including hot water and Apple+.

It was all a big distraction and maybe it’s why I didn’t get a post written last week. I was too busy being an HSP and feeling oogie.

My two best friends from high school came to visit at the beach (I am on the far right). They are both way more successful and accomplished than me, but we’ve known each other 38 years so they’re very forgiving. PS I finally picked up a Dodgers hat. PPS It was very windy.

Now I’ve been home for a week, it’s too hot for me to take walks, so I’m officially trapped indoors until I take my next trip, which happens to be in August when I go to Hawaii for five weeks and then probably California again for a few more. I know, it is a hard year. I’ve earned it.

On the bright side, I finished the full draft of my next book and it’s in the hands of my wonderful beta readers right now! I hope they give me good feedback but I also hope they remember I can’t take criticism very well which is ironic because I am a very blunt editor.

But seriously, I can take criticism from my betas. I hope they are honest with me and if it sounds like I’m speaking directly to them, I am, because almost all of them read this newsletter. Hi Betas!

AI Book Blurbs? No thanks

The other day I went to a website that provides HTML code for formatting book blurbs. A “blurb” is the book description you see on Amazon. You read it to discover what the book is about, and based on what you read, usually combined with checking “social proof” of number of reviews, you decide whether or not to buy.

I have real trouble writing my own blurbs; for some reason I’m not able to discern what the point of my own book is. It’s like driving across the country with a broken GPS up in my head. I’ve already rewritten the blurb for The Blingsters about 17 times, and I’m sure there will be another 17 attempts.

Anyway, when I went to enter my blurb so it could be formatted, I noticed that the site now offers free AI rewrites. Hey, let’s see if AI can do any better than I can! So instead of hitting “format my blurb,” I hit “let a fake brain produce something better than your own shitty writing.” After waiting a few seconds, during which time the website’s owner let me know that my query is costing them money but that’s okay they are letting me do it for free out of the goodness of their own bank accounts isn’t that great, I got my results. I will let you compare before I tell you my thoughts.

Here is my original (latest) blurb:

Grandmas. Good Times. Grand theft?

Marge Flanders just wanted a little fun—life at a retirement community in Oklahoma can be dull at times! After meeting some interesting ladies on a seniors cruise out of Miami, she decides to make Florida her new home, and joins her friends’ “canasta team.”

Griffin Beckett, Marge’s newly unemployed and unhappily married granddaughter, is the one chosen to bring her beloved G-ma back home. When her crafty grandma gives her the slip at the airport and the “canasta team” turns out to be a ring of jewel thieves, Griffin realizes she’s in way over her head. And she also ends up with more than she’d bargained for, in more ways than one…

Desperate for help, Griffin calls on her other grandmother, Delphine, who might be a retired super spy. But local police detective Roland Magnusson is also on the case, and he’s not too concerned with who he puts behind bars, as long as he gets his man. Or grandma!

Can Griffin, Delphine, and Roland work together to catch the bad guys? Will they be able to tell who the bad guys are? Is everyone as innocent—or guilty—as they seem?

The Blingsters is the first book in a brand-new humorous cozy mystery series—nab your copy today!

And here is AI’s blurb:

When a sweet old grandma joins a seniors cruise out of Miami, it sets off a wild chain of events that no one could have predicted. Marge Flanders just wanted a little fun, but instead she joins a ring of jewel thieves and her granddaughter Griffin Beckett is sent to bring her back home. With the help of Griffin's other grandma, Delphine, who might be a retired super spy, and a local detective, Roland Magnusson, they must work together to figure out who the bad guys are, and who is really innocent - or guilty - as they seem.

The Blingsters is an exciting and humorous cozy mystery that will keep you guessing until the very end. If you enjoyed A Bad Day for Sunshine by Darynda Jones, you’ll love this book too. Buy now before the price changes!

THIS ISN’T EVEN GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT. To be clear, I am very much against the use of AI. I think the only thing it will be good for is to hasten the stupidfication of the human race. I also think it’s too late to stop it, and we are all doomed.

If you think AI’s blurb is better, I’m sorry. Also, if you have any suggestions on how to make my human-made blurb better, I’m up for receiving suggestions. I trust you more than AI, xoxo. I do have one question though. Who the eff is Darynda Jones?!

And hey! The Blingsters is now available for preorder on most platforms, so if my human-made blurb totally sucked you in and you’d like to have this literary masterpiece delivered to your device on release day, click here and order it. Contrary to AI’s use of a blatant scare tactic above, I am not planning to raise the price anytime soon, but you know, you could still do it now!

If you preorder before the end of July, send me proof of purchase and you will receive some fun free e-swag from me in your inbox!

order here!

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