the maid
cleaning is hard
When I used to teach yoga in studios, people would come up to me before or after class and tell me about their ailments. They’d say things like, “What would you recommend for low-back issues?” or, “How come the back of my knee hurts?”
The first thing that came out of my mouth was, “Well, I’m not a doctor…” Because while that should be a given, one of the most important tenets of being a yoga teacher is to not operate out of the scope of being a yoga teacher.
So I would give their question some thought, and then make a few suggestions about things they could try, like a certain stretch, or a reminder to perform said stretch or movement outside of their weekly yoga class (this of course meant they would need to do something in order to get any benefit from the thing).
But I quickly discovered people weren’t very interested in hearing about what they should be doing, and they also didn’t really want to do anything extra.
They just wanted to tell me about what was wrong with them.
I think we all do this to some extent. Don’t we just want to be heard sometimes? To have someone in our lives who will listen? Sure.
But unless I know you fairly well, I can’t figure out what to do with what you tell me. If I know you, I can participate okay. Otherwise, it’s a crapshoot.
Sometimes I get so empathetic that I can hardly stand it. Like oh my goodness, that really sucks, I’m so sorry you’re going through that, and also you are making my heart hurt and I don’t know what to do with that. The rest of the time, the opposite happens, and I become flummoxed by not understanding where the person is coming from. If you have a problem, let us fix it, then you don’t have a problem anymore. But that’s not what you want to do? Then I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t you want to do something about a problem you have? THIS DOES NOT COMPUTE
If something is bothering you, then I offer you a suggestion to fix your problem, and you go do it. And bippity-boppity-boo, we are done. See you next yoga class!
But yeah … I’m now aware that just because people have a problem or something that’s bothering them, they don’t always (often?) want to fix it.
Sometimes, we use our problems to define who we are.
If I am not the adult woman who is still suffering from childhood trauma, who am I?
If I’m not the yoga student who can’t do child’s pose because my knee hurts from when I blew it out doing roller derby, who am I?
If I wear my fear like my favorite joggers and cozy fleece jacket, what is left if I take that outfit off?
What if I go through therapy and learn to release my anxiety and trauma. How will I define myself then?
We get stuck on the bigger question that comes after these lines of inquiry. If we “get rid of our problem,” what do we put in its place? Hello, existential angst!
I understand why people don’t want a fix. It’s hard. They’d rather keep talking about their problems, thereby solidifying those issues even more as part of their identity. And so the spiral continues. I just read this morning in the New York Times about a 2014 study that concluded some people would rather self-administer small electric shocks than sit alone with their thoughts. No wonder social media is what it is today…
Last night I finished reading The Maid by Nita Prose. It had a predictable ending, but it was a good book and the author let the story unfold in a very subtle way. Subtlety is something that not all of us neurodivergent people get. (Maybe that is why I love sitcoms? Because I get hit over the head with the punch line?) Well, maybe we do get subtlety, but about different things? Ugh, so many questions!
Anyway, the main character in the book is on the spectrum. She misjudges people; doesn’t know how to read them. I could relate so much. While I am not as great of a house cleaner as she is (I return my stove to a state of mediocrity rather than “a state of perfection”), her literalness was very relatable.
She got to clean each hotel room until it shone, until there was no trace of dirt or mess. All the problems, wiped away.
If only the rest of life were like that, I might be more interested in cleaning.
🤣🤣🤣 OK I know it shouldn't (*inappropriate laughter much?*) but administering small electric shocks rather than sit with their own thoughts struck me as very funny... I think as a society we condition children from the get-go to do anything BUT sit with their own thoughts, that might breed confidence, strength, serenity - good grief - chaos!
Another great post. Makes me think about all the different ways we define our identity and how that helps or hinders us.