Amuse-bouche #3

Pre-travel edition

Pre-check

Well, in one week I’ll be getting on a plane for a 21-hour travel extravaganza. Yep, I’m stressed out, and it’s manifesting in different ways, a few of which hurt. I think it’s the anticipation that’s the worst part. The waiting, the worrying, blah blah. At this point, I’m even boring myself with it all.

Yesterday I came upon a Facebook from an acquaintance (which was pretty exciting, because mostly Facebook only shows me posts from stupid pages they think I should follow). This post was from someone I met when teaching yoga. She’s probably in her mid to late-sixties. She lives alone, loves adventures, has some decent disposable income. So, basically different from me in every regard.

The post showed a photo taken inside the Tulsa Airport. She explained that she was traveling solo to Toulouse, France, for a week-long artist retreat with women she didn’t know. What an adventure! How daring! Look at her go, all by herself! She is different from me, but she is the same.

Oh. People—women—travel and do big things and run for president and get on airplanes and figure out customs.

I probably just need to get over myself.

American Airlines says they will have someone to meet me in the Frankfurt Airport to help me navigate All Of The Things. I think that might be nice! A friendly person to help me stay grounded if things go wonky sounds lovely. But now, on my itinerary it says I have requested “Cognitive and developmental assistance.” I am not sure how I feel about having that label. I feel like I need a name tag that also says I AM OKAY, JUST OVERWHELMED.

I probably just need to get over myself.

I’m working on it.

belize 2013. to remind myself it’s possible.

A random note I saved as an email draft

5/13/24

Sometimes when I go on a walk with my partner, he comments about how things he observes have changed. How this tree has grown, how there are no sunflowers going over there anymore. When we go to California together, I get a running commentary of all the things that he did not remember seeing before. I find this peculiar. Why wouldn’t you just talk about the things you are seeing right in front of you, at that moment? Instead of saying I don’t remember that tree, or I don’t remember that place?

To me, it seems so pointless to think of things that way. Does it matter if I saw it before and forgot, or never noticed it before? I suppose it is a subtle difference, which my brain finds reason to discern.

My mind seems to be filled with so much, all the time, maybe it’s just too exhausting to stop and think about whether this particular piece of information was something I knew before or not.

“They” say people with autism or ADHD sometimes have a very poor working memory. Think this might be true. I can remember very strange, obscure things (I seem to know a whole lot about marine life, and I have no idea where that comes from), but I’m often surprised when people tell me stories about things that we did together long ago, or things I said, and I have no idea what they’re talking about.

Maybe I’ve just blocked out most of my earlier life. 

Maybe this means my memory will start to go, and I won’t even notice. Everything will be shiny and new and neato, and it won’t matter whether I knew about it at one point earlier or not.

From the Author’s Desk

I’m no longer getting one-on-one coaching from my amazing author coach, but I plan on picking it up again next spring. I think the process is vital to retaining my sanity, and also vital to achieving some of my long-term writing goals.

I’m lucky enough, however, to be in her current mastermind group, which makes me super happy! It’s not the same as having my own author concierge, but it’s been fun to still learn from her teaching, and to be in a small group with other writers, all of whom have the same objective: to be a working author. We all seem to be going about in different ways, which is interesting and proves there’s no one way to do anything. It can be so hard to find truly knowledgeable, ethical people to choose as mentors or teachers, and I’m slowly learning how to narrow that list down even further, to find things that work and feel right for me personally. I hope to continue a working relationship with this person for a very long time (and if we lived closer I’d invite her over to play cards, lol).

Did I mention how lucky I am?

Recently I made a writing and publishing calendar for 2025. It’s ambitious, but not outrageous. I think. I plan to release three books next year. There is some wiggle room built into my calendar, and even if I fall short of three books, I know for sure I can do two, and at least I have a plan. Which for me is over half the battle.

As part of that 2025 plan, I’m currently drafting the book I’ll release in January. I’ve given myself ten weeks to write it; I want to be done by 10/31. This is now week five. I set a goal of this being a 60,000-word book, which is on the short side, but good for my genre (humorous mystery, or mystery adventure humor, or “cozy mystery” but without a murder).

I aim to write 6,000 words per week. So this last Sunday, the end of week four, I should have had 24,000 words done. I came in at over 34,000. I am ahead! Amazing what having an actual plan and deadlines will do. Who knew!?!?!? (Some of this headway will slow down when I’m in Germany, although my aunt knows I’ll need some time to work—I also have a book I have to edit while I’m there. So the more I can write now, the less stressed I’ll be about it next month).

The book might not come in at 60k—at least not this first draft. The next step will be to send it to my amazing editor (who also happens to be my amazing business partner) for what is called a manuscript critique. She’ll read the entire book, and give me feedback about pacing, plot, character development, and more. I’m sure once I get that done, the book will get a little longer. Because I know I’m forgetting all kinds of crap this first time through, LOL. So thanks in advance for your valuable feedback, Michele!

If I can, I’ll get a 100-word story out to you next Tuesday, which is travel day.

Wish me luck.

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